Year-End Musings

Well, it’s that time of year again. Perhaps it’s the fact of my mother’s death last year, but I’ve been having difficulty getting into “the spirit” of things. A few months ago I was really looking forward to Christmas, with much more enthusiasm than I normally muster. As the time came closer, though, I felt more and more down about it. I had decided to mix things up a bit, with new Christmas tree ornaments and garland. I was also going to chuck a lot of my other decorations that I didn’t really like, but kept anyway.

I found myself extremely reluctant to do anything related to Christmas, though. I really had to force myself to go out and look for new Christmas tree bulbs and other holiday stuff. There was a weight on my chest the whole time. I talked to the hubby about it and he offered to do what he could to make this holiday cheerful for me. We got a different type of tree – big and bushy. Normally, I get two small trees and put them on top of the tall speaker cabinets in my living room. But, if I wanted to do something different, that was fine with him. He even agreed to go out in stinking, rainy weather to get the tree and drive it home on the top of the car. It was an awful day to do it, but I wanted the weekend to get it all together. He even helped me string the lights, since I’m short enough so that reaching the top of the tree is impossible without a ladder.

My husband is Jewish. It’s not his holiday but he did it for me. I feel both guilty as well as grateful. We strung up the lights the next day, after the tree had dried off and relaxed its branches a little bit. I had already purchased some new ornaments and put older, worn out ones in the trash. I have some “heirloom” ornaments, stuff that I grew up with and took along with me to Boston. Those stayed but the rest were pretty much gone. I wonder how I’ll feel about that next year. My sister bought a holiday village luminary for me last Christmas. It’s a ceramic scene of two houses, a snowman and evergreen trees. There are places inside for candles, so you can see flickering light through the little windows. It’s very sweet and has absolutely no association with any Christmas tradition I have. Perfect! I perched it onto one of the speaker cabinets to the right of the tree and added three battery-operated flickering candles. Then I laid back on the couch with a comfy blanket and looked at the tree and the luminary. It feels really peaceful and I think I did the right thing by forcing myself through the motions to get it started. Nothing fancy, just a nice view and a quiet heart.

4 thoughts on “Year-End Musings

  1. It looks beautiful! Don’t feel guilty about having the hubby do this stuff – as a fellow Jew who helps his wife decorate for Christmas, I can tell you that the happiness and feeling of comfort that my family draws from it makes it important to me, even if I don’t consider it “my” holiday 🙂

  2. I think it looks great! And it was very sweet of your husband to help you out like that. For some reason I find it hard to get rid of Christmas decorations, too, and most of them, I don’t like. I’ve been trying to put less out- only those things that I really do like. Not easy. Maybe after this Christmas of new decorations, you will look forward to them next year and adding a few small new things to the mix. 🙂

    1. Me, too. I needed to disassociate those memories, so gritted my teeth and bagged them up. I havent thrown them out yet,so…

      1. Oh yes, I had bags of things and my husband so helpfully brought them out with the stuff we actually want to use. I guess it wasn’t clear that I was donating those things—seeing that they were in trash bags in a completely different part of the house from the other decorations.

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